I want to travel more this year, to enjoy life, freedom and all the blessings that came early this year. I want to forget all the promises one person has made, which were definitely meant to be broken. 

He could have just made things simple by not giving false hopes. Look what he made me, a desperate woman wishing things to be okay. He made me suffer long enough that i can no longer endure the pain he caused me.

This year, as promised to myself, things will be GREAT. I’ll just follow the path to my happiness. And wherever this path leads me, i know i have God beside me.

• bakit ba everytime i say na okay na lahat at enough na about him eh nagpaparamdam naman sya? waaaaahhhh!!! wala pang isang sentence na type ko eh nag text naman! 

I didn’t expect he’d showed up at the terminal. And definitely not expecting a gift and letter from him. The letter was stored in a USB. Curious what’s inside the flash drive, i opened it while im inside bus. Songs, pictures, and a letter was stored…Brought me to tears, my heart was torn when I read the letter. I had moved on, and it was never an easy way getting out of the pain that he made me feel. I told myself i’ve had enough, i prayed hard to go through those days and i made it. But why is it that all the “moving on” or “moved on” process became senseless when i read the letter. It was like i was still on the stage of getting out of the pain. Flashback…it was so painful.

December 21, 2011

Hon,

I’m not good at this. You know that.. so please bear with me.

            Nasaktan kita ng ilang ulit.. im sorry.. ngayon ko naiintindihan kung bakit ganun ka dati.. sabi ko nun ang selfish mo. Sarili mo lang iniisip mo. Sinasakal mo ko. Grabe ang pagseselos mo… I was wrong hon.. im so wrong.. ako naging selfish. Sarili ko lang inintindi ko.. ngayon alam ko na kung ano pinaglalaban mo.. you know from the very start that what we have is true love.. and mas higit pa binigay mo sakin. You gave me unselfish and unconditional love. I was just so insensitive at selfish not to see that and feel that.. naging makasarili ako. Pinagsisisihan ko lahat ng mali nagawa ko. At nasaktan kita.

            Totoo hon namimiss kita. Namimiss ko yung tayo. Kaya nun diba nagpaparamdam ako sayo. Naguluhan ako. Baka kako namimiss ko lang kung panu tayo dati. Pero naramdaman ko nga na mahal pa kita.. at lalo na napatunayan ko kagabi sa party, nung tinuro ka sakin ni bry, di ko pa alam kung ano tinuturo niya o kung sino. Sa tabi lang ako ng lamesa niyo hon. I don’t know kung nakita ako ng mga kasama mo. Nung sinenyas ni bry na “si ria”, pagtingin ko sayo yukong yuko ka. Di umaangat mukha mo. Gusto kong batiin ka, pansinin ka. Pero todo yuko ka. Pakiramdam ko na ayaw mo ko Makita, iniiwasan mo ko.. ang sakit pala.. alam ko wala akong karapatan na maghinanakit ng ganun, mas higit pa kasi sakit na pinadama ko sayo.. im sorry..

            Hon, ngayon alam ko na ang gusto ko. Sigurado na ko sa nararamdaman ko. Ikaw na para sakin habang buhay. Handa akong patunayan yun hon. Please give me the chance to prove it. Chance lang hon, please.. ako na toh hon, nagmamakaawa..

            You know hon how to contact me..  text, phone call, chat message, private message.. maghihintay ako sa sagot mo hon.. sana di pa ko huli.. sana di pa huli ang lahat.. pero kahit ano pa man desisyon mo hon, rerespetuhin ko.. mahal na mahal kita..

Di ko alam sasabihin ko. Di ako makapag decide pa ngayon.. Not when i still have other challenges to go through. I hope marunong sya maghintay. I hope he meant it all. I hope he makes effort to prove it this time. I am afraid of getting hurt again, naawa naman ako sa sarili ko.